Having Anxiety as a Photographer

May is Mental Health Awareness Month so I thought I would discuss this as I face this every day.

I have had anxiety/panic attacks since the 1st grade. I had my first panic attack when I stood at the head of the class to lead them out to Recess and then passed out in front of everyone. I still vividly remember opening my eyes to all of the kids circled around me.

Having an anxiety disorder, it is more than having butterflies in your stomach every now & then. Some days I wake up with the thought "wow I slept in too long - I wasted half my day already" and the rest of the day I remain feeling behind. These days I can be super irritated by the simplest question. If Justin asks me what is for dinner that evening it instantly triggers me because I feel like I don't have time to make dinner.

Walking by a sink full of dishes or the laundry hamper being overfilled - #triggered

So how does Anxiety play a role in my Photography career?

As soon as I finish up a session it could have gone absolutely fantastic but that entire drive home my thoughts race inside my head "I could have done this pose, oh I should have tried that! Did I take enough photos of them? Will they be to their liking? What if they hate them?"

These thoughts are present until I sit at my computer and upload the images to my computer.

I typically back up my files instantly. Uploading the images I just photographed to my computer, then to a hard drive, then to a second hard drive. Is this crazy? Absolutely not. At least I don't think so. If anything happens to fail (which HAS happened) I have a back up. Always.

Client Liked Rebecca L Photography's photo - my thought: "They hate their photos"

Social media can be a huge trigger for my anxiety. Which is unfortunate but I try to not let it get to me too much. lol try.

You can like a photo on Facebook or you can love a photo. This little simple reaction can completely change how I think.

If I post a sneak peek of a family that I just photographed and they like the sneak peek or they love the sneak peek it does truly make a difference. They might not see it as a big deal but for me that makes me question what could I have done differently to have them love the photos.

Having 20 likes on an Instagram photo vs. 100. I could have 100+ on an image one day and the next day I post and only get 20-50 likes I think to myself that post wasn't good enough to share.

Client: "Can I have the originals to put my own filter on them?" - my thought: "I should have edited them differently"

I put a lot of time and thought into how I edit. I have LOTS of ways to edit an image. I do try to feel out the personality of the client and match their personality to the mood of my editing. So when a client wants the originals (In which I do not give out) that makes me think they don't like how their images were edited.

Client: "I look fat" - my thought: I should have posed them differently"

I try to pose people the way that I would want to be posed when taking photos with family/spouse. I do my best to make the poses as natural as possible without just standing and smiling for the photo. So when comments like these are made I do feel like I could have done better.

Client: "You are out of our price range" - my thought: "I'm not worth what I charge"

You might be thinking - Wow I can't believe you would ever let one person get you down like that. But these are my instant reactions to things that are said from time to time and you get these statements being any kind of entrepreneur.

Client: "No rush, but when can we expect our photos, we are just so excited!" - my thought: "I'm taking too long"

It might be 11pm and I have sent out 5 galleries to clients but if I get a message from another client excited about their photos I think "what's one more hour to stay up and get theirs done too".

Does this all sound pretty pathetic? lol I think so. But I know it is exactly what my anxiety is trying to do to control me.

So how do I cope with my Anxiety?

Step Away

Some days I just need to step away from the computer and phone and just let my mind reset if I am feeling overwhelmed even if I am stepping away to do a chore around the house to make myself feel like I am still getting something productive done.

Quality Time With The Animals

I have a cat and dog that I make sure I save 1 hour every day to walk Lana (the dog) and play or cuddle Stella (the cat) even taking a short break to go and hug them and love on them for a little bit then continue working is a huge game changer.

Playing a Game with the Spouse

Justin is a huge gamer. Like - he can play games from 8am-5am. Sometimes we find new duo games that we can play together and this makes me happy to enjoy some quality time doing something we both enjoy.

Taking a Walk

Stepping away/quality time with Lana mixing it all into one, plus sometimes on my walk I will listen to music or video chat my mom or a friend I haven't talked to in a while.

Take a Shower/Bath

LOL this sounds funny at first but taking a shower or a bath instantly puts me in another world like I am away from all of the work and just relaxing.

Coloring

I LOVE to color. I have markers, colored pencils, crayons (164 pack btw) and about 20+ coloring/activity books because I am a child at heart and I find coloring to be very therapeutic.

Treat Yo Self

Sometimes if I need a lift of happiness I usually will indulge and have a meal that is expensive that we don't have too often or not the healthiest for us. Some of my go to's are Chinn Chinn, Sakura (Hibachi), Qdoba or Roll up Ice cream.

Knowing My Worth

I remind myself all the time (and my clients do too) that I have been doing this for 9 years BECAUSE it is what I am passionate about and that I do a great job. I wouldn't be doing this as a career if I was bad at what I do.

I don't let Anxiety control me

and I know plenty of other people that go through the same hardships when it comes to this disorder. So please feel free to contact me if you do need someone to talk to. I am here anytime :)

If you know someone who struggles with Anxiety reach out to them and let them know you are there, that you are thinking about them. This is important as I know when I receive a text or call from someone I haven't heard from in a while it makes my entire day.

Let's continue to help each other <3

- Rebecca